Dude, what did I do to you?
Just got the following "reviews" for Indispensable, Exquisite Cats at FFN. Not only that, but they apparently felt obligated to read the epilogue and review it too.
This was for the first part:
well to be honest i didn't like it because well it was it sucked because you didn't have a great plot or storyline your description sucks and you don't know how to make a good romance scene it really didn't help with the whole spike/fred scenario and okay breaking out you really really suck and it was one of the shittiest stories i've read okay don't mean to go all simon cowell but it really did suck
And I got this for the epilogue:
oh my god there was more stench i couldn't help but look to see how it was it was just as bad maybe worst because you made buffy say "bizarro" horrible dear god woman gain some talent "some" talent is all i'm asking for jesus christ
Okay, the reviewer obviously can't write their own way out of a paper bag. Not only is that plain to see from the review itself, but I checked their profile too, since they were kind enough to review using their own name. Getting a review like this from someone who writes like that is *cough* comical, to say the least.
To my kind reviewer:
Dude, if Spike/Fred isn't your cuppa tea, then you could have hit the "back" button about a quarter of the way through the first page. Pairing bashing is SO fourth grade. I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to "describe," in this fic. We know what Angel's office looks like, we know what the characters look like, we know what the White Room looks like. Gunn's transformation was described as much as I felt it needed to be, considering the POV. Buffy has used the word "bizarro" in canon; I've looked it up ("Gone," S6, in case anyone's curious). As for the "romance scene," what more do you want? Fred's half-conscious! If you expect a big smoochy "I lurrrve you" scene out of me with nekkidness and sex...well, you'll have a long wait. I don't write like that. Not only that, but this story was written over two years ago. I like to think that I've "gained some talent" since then.
Therefore, dear reviewer, I will take this "review" with the ginormous grain of salt it so richly deserves and use it to roast marshmallows. And no, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of flaming you back, replying (other than here), or even giving my flist a link to your account so they can go giggle, themselves, at your ineptitude and humongous blocks of text. If they want to find it badly enough, they're smart enough to do that.
Also? If it sucked so much, then why did you put me on your Favorite Authors list?
Somewhat gobsmacked and no love whatsoever,
PS: At least I know what a comma is for, and where my shift key is.