This one is more about them, and that may be where the difference lies.
It's not quite 5300 words. So I have 700 words in which to fix the glaring flaws. To wit:
- Needs moar Shakespeare. Sooner.
- Ben's PTSD, and the scars, should be brought out much earlier. Without an infodump. Ha.
- Really need a couple more Little Moments between him and Janni. This isn't necessarily easy when they don't share a lot of screentime together except at the start and finish. They adore each other, and I need to make that a lot more obvious.
- I need to describe Janni. I know what she looks like. Most of you know what she looks like. Readers new to the canon, however (which is, oh, everyone else), do not. A little more on Ben would be good, too, because his copious scars are never even mentioned.
- I have got to get the word "glampire" in there somewhere. I just do.
So. I have work to do. In between laundry, school, food, and grocery shopping. Whee.