December 26th, 2013

Guri praying

Hello, Hollyweird. I'm part of that Evangelical Christian market you're trying to exploit.

And I'd like a word.

I'm glad you've finally noticed me. That's awesome. I see that you're planning a bunch of Biblical epics for next year.

However, you'll pardon me, I hope, for being... wary. You see, I've rather noticed that not only do you have a distressing tendency to disrespect your source material for these epics, but many of you have an active antipathy toward it. And an active antipathy to me, for that matter. So, to be honest? I don't trust you to actually do this right.

And then, when we don't lap up whatever you decide to slap up there on the screen, and it bombs instead, you'll shrug and say "Gee, I guess these things don't pay after all." Let me disabuse you of that notion. These things will pay--as long as you give a bare nod to the accuracy of the text you're adapting. I know you guys hate Mel Gibson, but have a look at how he did, and then have a look at how Scorsese did. Which would you rather have?

Respect my faith, and I will reward you with cashy money, although you may lose cred with your liberal pals. Disrespect it, and you will see not a dime, but your cred will be intact and you won't have to tell people "no, I don't really believe all that stuff, I just did it so I could sleep on a big pile of hundred-dollar bills in a solid-gold brick house" at your Hollyweird cocktail parties. And, you know, I don't give a crap about your motives. I give a crap about the results. If your money-grubbing motive means I'm entertained for two solid hours without having my faith shat upon, I'm cool with that.

I hope you'll understand why I'll wait to hear from people I trust before I plant my butt in a seat. And, no, Rotten Tomatoes doesn't count in this case.