1. It's all about Spike. Or Jayne. Even if it wasn't supposed to be, originally.
2. There's no sex. None, zero, zip, nada.
3. Ellipses and dash abuse abound, and it's heavy on dialogue and light on description.
4. Any animals are described better than the humans.
5. If it's about a character I love, then chances are that the character is going to get hurt. Badly. Might not recover, in fact. Oh, and OC's? Die.
6. If it's a pairing fic, chances are it's just a lot of UST, without even any kissing. Because I suck at writing romance. There might be cuddling, however. Cuddling I can do.
7. Illyria is vulnerable. I've taken the scene with Wes in NFA, where she won't look at him when she tells him that he wouldn't ask her to be Fred, and run with it. She doesn't belong here, she knows it, and she's just a little afraid of being left alone.
8. It's a one-shot, written by either request or to some prompt or challenge or other.
9. Conversations that make me uncomfortable get interrupted by something attacking the characters. Yes, I realize this is a crutch. Shut up.
10. Christian!Spike. 'Nuff said.