I ran it by the Hubby, who likes the overall concept. However, he says that the emotions for the first part need to be ramped up quite a bit, because the death that's the whole catalyst for the story just feels "meh."
Seeing as how I'm emotionally stunted myself, I may have a hard time with this. I mean, yes, I cry at commercials, but that's because I'm shallow, not because I have any depth of emotion. Therefore, I need to watch myself so that angst doesn't turn into wangst.
He also said my timeline doesn't work out. Which, yeah, I already kind of knew that. One week, not enough to clear out a neighborhood, even with people getting torn apart overnight and chased by creatures that shouldn't exist. So I need to expand my timeline without boring my audience.
He said it was a "good first draft." After I've sweat blood over it. Oh my goodness, am I ever glad that I don't take this sort of thing personally. If I was fanbrattish...well, I wouldn't ever ask for concrit, and certainly not from him, would I?
As it is? Still stings a bit. But at least I know a couple of things I need to work on.
He also had an excellent suggestion re: The stones crying out for justice. And, reading it, I realized I wanted to do something with graffiti that I didn't.
Check, and check. *cracks knuckles*