My wife rarely screamed. So when she let out a bloodcurdling shriek, I hobbled to the bathroom to find her flailing around with her pants around her ankles--and what looked like a fanged octopus fastened to her ample, naked rump. It had sickly green spots on mottled gray skin and way too many tentacles, and it glared at me with four malevolent red eyes.
Okay. Back to work on it.